Well that stung

Father passed away in 2020, mother has been living independently for 3+ years with me taking care of her. I give up an hour out of my day every single day to take her meds, a snack because she has no impulse control, take her trash out, unclog her toilet or whatever needs to be done.

Since this cold spell I’ve been struggling with getting her to keep her heaters plugged into the right plugs in the right configuration to keep her warm, but she keeps unplugging them and, in some cases, not even plugging them in. Today trying to get her to leave everything in the confirmation I left it she dropped the bomb that she thinks I’m a terrible parent and that she feels sorry for my kids because I’m bossy. I snapped back without thinking that my kids couldn’t make me prouder because they know my expectations and exceed them, and they tell me that they love me every day. I’m so incredibly proud of what they’re becoming, and tell them that.

I know there’s a lot of folks that can relate to the disparity there, but man, that just hurts. Hearing that from my mother felt like a low blow for me just trying to take care of her, and brought me back to a distinct instance when I was maybe 8 years old and hearing her scream at me “I hate you” because she was mad at me for something, don’t even remember what now, but I’m feeling as heavy now as I did then.

EDITED to respond to everyone here: I appreciate all the feedback more than you know. I'd love to respond to everyone individually, but I just want everyone to know how helpful the kind words were. My family is small, it's really just a sister and I, and my sister and brother-in-law left years ago after woefully mismanaging her finances after my father passed away. Took me forever to get everything straightened out for her and make some much needed improvements to her house. I've tried to learn a lesson about being patient with her, but like many of you, I've been keen on correcting parental mistakes with my own relationship with my children and I'm incredibly proud of them, so to lash out at them was a step too far. She has apologized for her words, so there is that. She wasn't a cruel parent, and I didn't mean to imply that she was, but she's always been a selfish, and while the incident when I was 8 years old was isolated, it was an expression of that selfishness and one that's always stuck with me. Unfortunately there's little break, I go over daily to bring her a few snacks, her medicines, take out her trash, etc. But the kind words really help.