Advice/Symptoms

I am experiencing an episode of something. I had a severe panic reaction to Lexapro several years ago that left me in what I can only describe as mental and emotional torment for about a year. Horrible panic, terror, derealization, couldn’t eat, felt like I was dying inside. Eventually landed in the ER (for su*cide) after trying multiple meds to get rid of it. I was never diagnosed Akathisia (didn’t even know what that was), only anxiety and depression. I finally found a psych that put me on a couple meds (imipramine, olanzapine, and Lamotrigine) and it seemed to slowly fade. However, during that “recovery” I started drinking heavily for a few years, during that time feeling pretty good, eventually stopped taking my meds. Still had anxiety, depression and mood swings but nothing too serious. I decided to quit drinking a few months ago because anxiety, derealization, and anger issues. Decided to get back on my meds that seemed to help the first time. However, I am now in an episode of severe emotional despair. An extreme dread and constant feeling of weird terror. Having derealization and severe dysphoria. The dread and dark fear is the worst part. I don’t really feel “restless” or like I have to move around or anything. It’s really just an internal dread and terror that makes it extremely difficult to function and is very uncomfortable. Normal things give me dread like eating and taking a shower, it’s very weird. I don’t feel like I’m crawling out of my skin, but I am in a subjective hell mentally. Could this be Akathisia without the movement/restless part?? I have been obsessively researching and don’t know if I’m in Akathisia or just some sort of mental disorder episode like bipolar or something. I have zero positive emotions. Only dread and despair. Please help!