I detest violence, and I'm becoming very emotionally conflicted

Since the CEO killing last year, I've come more and more to realize that I'm being lied to - that my beliefs about what is good and right are not reflected in the nation I'm a part of, that speaking with those in power has negligible effects on what they do with power, and that the only sources of fast and reliable information are essentially just part of capitalist machine. I want this to change. I do not want to live in a world of dictatorships.

At the same time, I was raised to believe that people are good and decent. I still believe that, even about people the wider anarchist community tends to villify (cops and Kamala come to mind). My disagreement with them is with their politics and worldview, not their character. There may be no good cops in the sense that cops don't serve our society, but that doesn't mean they aren't human beings that go home to their wife and kids, people who think, however incorrectly, that they are serving their community. Simlarly, I think post politicians don't go out and try to be bad people and make the world a worse place. They suffer from a combination of ignorance, stubbornness, and self-preservation.

When people talk about the revolution, or at least armed resistance to MAGA or AfD fascists, I'm uncomfortable. When people seem to demand I be angry, all the time, I become exhausted, and remember a much more immature version of myself who was angry. I want to live my life in a moral way, and I just don't see how that can be through violence. I don't know if there's much of a question or statemement in this post. I want to hear the community weigh in.