SH and now drugs got me by the throat

Idk what's happening to me I feel like my mental health just keeps getting worse and worse and worse idk what to do I can feel myself slipping away again

I love Scotland like I really do I love my family but there is nothing here for people like me I've started fucking old men again and cutting (also not like just normal cuts I've been doing only styro and a couple beans) just to feel somethin and now I'm back on regular coke use🙃 Like Im going back home in a week but the damage is done I think I'm cooked I HATE THE UK I HATE IT SO MUCH ALL I WANT IS TO BE BACK WITH MY FRIENDS