Help me from making a grave mistake

I'm sorry guys. It's just a waste of time, I don't know what I have to do, I want to be saved but just about every single person I've asked has given me a different answer so even that is confusing.

Because of it, I'm so stressed out that I'm getting that temptation to lust again to distract myself.

Quite frankly, screw this. I should never have recovered from leukemia, I should've dropped dead, would save me the trouble of "trying". I think I'm going to give up. Not like it's going to change much, I'm sure hell was in my fate for a long time now.