Feel like I messed up my life.

I truly feel like I messed up my entire life. Im an ex muslim and when I was a baby christian I disobeyed God and married a muslim ( he knows im muslim). We agreed on how we would live our lives but we ran into problems. I struggle with anxiety and I keep having these thoughts that If i dont divorce him God is gonna leave me. I truly love him and dont want to. But I guess Im just experiencing guilt and dont know where to go with these problems were facing. He wont get a divorce and I keep thinking of 1 cor 7 but i cant shake the feeling that God is mad at me and I messed up my entire life