My MIL acted like my miscarriage was an inconvenience to her and instead of apologizing for what she said she told me it was my fault.

After hearing that Morgan was looking for stories on MIL's, I thought I would throw my recent encounter with my MIL in the mix. Trigger warning, talks of miscarriage.

So, my MIL and I have always had a strained relationship since the very beginning. When I first met her, she told me that I "had big shoes to fill." Referencing my husband's, at the time boyfriend's, ex-girlfriend. The comparisons didn't stop there and caused a lot of strife and problems in my relationship. She took every opportunity she could to bring up my husband's exes, to literally going into detail and giving me a breakdown of each relationship. This got worse once she knew my husband and I had begun fighting about one ex in particular - long story short I found out, from his mother, that my husband had lied about the significance and length of relationship of the ex of whom's shoes I was meant to fill.

There are a million other things that make her a complete nightmare like the backhanded compliments, gabs about my weight (I suffered several miscarriages and just had a baby), and constant attempts to try and drive a wedge between my husband and I. Due to these things and more she isn't allowed to stay with us when she visits and we see her as little as possible.

After having my baby boy though, she has been wanting to visit much more. Right now we are dealing with her wanting to visit and us not being comfortable with that because of what she said during her last visit.

A little more context to the situation: at Thanksgiving 2022, my husband and I decided to lay it all out, all the ways she has hurt us, onto the table. In an effort to hopefully mend the relationship and move forward since, at the time, I was 5 months pregnant and it was something that was important to me before the baby was born.

The talk was a disaster and huge mistake. I told her about how her actions hurt me tremendously when I lost my baby girl. It was a devastating, traumatic, and horrifically painful miscarriage during my second trimester that resulted in an emergency D&C. During this pregnancy my husband and I learned that our baby had died three weeks before we started miscarrying. We asked all our family to let us grieve, but that didn't stop his mother texting me every single day during those three weeks telling me that the doctors were wrong, telling not to give up hope, and about how excited she was to be a grandmother. This broke me, with each and every text I felt like a little part of me died. She, when hearing this, acted very dismissive and refused to take responsibility for her actions. The conversation actually ended with my walking away after she laughed in my face when I told her why my family wants nothing to do with her - at my wedding she told my little sister, who is autistic, to "stop acting for attention."

Fast forward to her last visit, September 2023. She, completely out of the blue, brought up my miscarriage during dinner. She talked about how we made too big a deal about it, complained about how we told her, and essentially acted as if the pregnancy and the tragic loss of my child was an inconvenience to her.

A few months ago she asked to visit after the holidays and we told her no because of what she said. She didn't apologize, all she said was that we should have addressed her comments in the moment. How could I have? It took me days to even process it, and everytime I brought it up to my husband after she left I started crying.

Last week she asked to visit again, except now she is saying that it is my fault that she brought up the loss of my child, because "I have never put in the effort to get to know her."

She still refuses to apologize and now claims, "that just doesn't sound like me."