To all the new freshman who are struggling

I’m seeing a lot of freshman posting here who are sad and can’t find friends. It makes me so upset seeing these because that was me 2 years ago. I wanted to give some lessons and advice.

Lesson 1: Penn does not give a fuck

The university simply does not put in any effort to plan anything to help freshman meet people. I’ve toured other unis and they always had speed friending sorta events. Penn does not give a fuck, you are on your own. I hate that it is that way but that’s just the reality and that doesn’t change for the next 4 years. You need to be proactive in every aspect of your life here.

Lesson 2: Understand the type of people who get into Penn

Yes, they will be competitive. A lot of them super rich. A lot of them from prep schools. Most of them r super extroverted. A lot of them r gonna seem like complete spoiled jerks. So if you don’t come from that kinda environment it’s gonna feel weird. Give urself some grace to adjust. If you get bad vibes from someone, still be cordial because they might be friends with someone that u actually like.

Lesson 3: Parties

If you aren’t a party person, there isn’t something wrong with u. Go to a couple, you don’t have to drink or do anything crazy. U r a freshman everyone is expecting u to be awkward. Just never ever just sit in ur room. It’s better to roam the hallways or locust. This is true for all 4 years of Penn. The more u overthink things, the more depressed u will be.

Lesson 4: Classes

You will fail an exam early on. Just plan for it now. It will happen. It happens to literally the best students here. On the first day of classes, introduce urself to the people around u cuz u won’t get another chance later in the sem. Most people here meet their closest friends in classes, not their dorm or parties.

Lesson 5: Clubs

Hot take but 90% of them r complete bullshit. Do not spend ur weekend applying to clubs. Pick a couple that r open membership or have a very short application form. If you are coding up an operating system for a club application you are doing it wrong. Once u r in the club, prioritize meeting people over being someone’s slave.

Lesson 6: Dorms

Penn isn’t the type of school where people will just be playing board games in the common area. Don’t expect ur RA to organize anything. Pick an event (doesn’t have to be a party) and ask people to go with you.

Lesson 7: First week friends

The people you meet in the first week r prob not gonna be ur friends for 4 years 99% of the time. But the friends of those friends could be. So meet as many people as possible. Don’t cling on to your “group” and stop meeting people because that group will dissolve in like max 3 weeks.

Lesson 8: Penn Face

It isn’t gonna be like high school where people r super down to earth and r honest about what they r struggling with (at least in this NSO stage). There is an inherent competitiveness to the people here and that’s how they got in sometimes. A lot of times the people here were the nerds in their hs now they wanna be the cool, social person. Everyone is still figuring it out, have confidence in urself.

Lesson 9: Things to stay away from

Don’t look at the social media flexing. Mute them, block them, do whatever you have to do. It will destroy you mentally if you are already feeling down. Also stay away from internet gurus who try to convince u that there is something wrong with u because u haven’t made friends as fast as u hoped. Also just avoid people or things that completely compromise your values.

Lesson 10: Have some confidence

You are at one of the best institutions in the world. You are already him/her. Think about the average person at your high school…yeah they suck compared to you right? Engaging in the internal hierarchy within Penn is a waste of mental energy. Each day here is a new opportunity with the right mindset.

Hope this helps, I’ll add more as I come up with stuff.