Why Do Some Tamlin Defenders Still Hate Nesta?

I posted about this on Bluesky, but I wanted to bring the discussion here because I genuinely find it fascinating. Why does it feel like the Venn diagram of people who defend Tamlin but still despise Nesta is a perfect circle?

Both Tamlin and Nesta have:
 -Traumatic pasts that shape their behavior.
 -A history of lashing out and hurting others due to unprocessed grief and fear.
 -A redemption arc (or at least the potential for one).

But here’s where it gets even wilder. Tamlin hasn’t had his redemption arc yet. He’s still in his self-imposed exile, and while there’s room for him to grow, we haven’t actually seen him take those steps yet. Nesta, on the other hand, has had her arc. She put in the work, confronted her demons, made amends, and came out the other side as a stronger person. And yet, the people who demand patience and forgiveness for Tamlin still refuse to extend the same grace to Nesta?

I get it, Nesta is sharp-edged and difficult. She pushes people away and makes bad choices. But so does Tamlin. If we’re going to extend grace to him, why does that same courtesy not apply to her, especially when she’s actually done the work to change?

I’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re someone who sympathizes with Tamlin but still dislikes Nesta, what makes the difference for you? Let’s discuss!