What should I do

Had my first absolute pain in the backside guest who complained about everything. She opened a door that wasn’t part of the cottage and complained about that room.haha (outside and not attached) She found crumbs in the toaster, she ran her finger through a small amount of dust behind the tv. She was looking for anything to complain about. I’d left wine out for their arrival and fresh flowers with a hand written note for her birthday.

Anyway, she will leave me a terrible review I’m sure, Question:

How should I write my review for her? It’s so tempting to let loose but I need to keep it professional. How have you written reviews for rude guests who are impossible to please?