Why does it get so much harder after diagnosis.

I’m a male 37 diagnosed with ASD about a year ago. It has been the worst year of my life. Since learning of my diagnosis. I feel incapable of forcing myself to meet the standards of a neurotypical world. I end up spiraling to the conclusion that this world is not meant for me. That I will always be misunderstood. That I will never be able to enjoy life. This is compounded by the fact that before diagnosis I would just make it happen. Big project, big trip, big life event consider it handled. I now understand that there were undesirable consequences. Drug and alcohol abuse. Burning out and quitting jobs. So now I take my prescription medication I don’t drink or do drugs. I just need something to hang on to. Every day I choose to not give up. It’s getting harder.