Pattern recognition in myself

I found that a LOT of my behavior is due to my brain relying very, very heavily on pattern recognition. If I cannot find a pattern, it doesn’t make sense to me.

At first I was wondering why I have no issue driving, but I cannot stand going to a grocery store without a accommodations (headphones, sometimes sunglasses or something to hold).. and even then, it is tough.

It is because I rely so much on being able to see patterns and predictability. In a store, there is very little predictability. People walk around in an unpredictable manner. They would walk straight, and my brain holds on to that and relies on that pattern heavily so that I may focus on my own tasks (picking a grocery). This pattern it has recognized is like a ratio, where it can now equal the wavelength that Im on inside my head. It cancels it out, it disappears. But then, they turn. Out of nowhere. And then again, a different direction. Then they pause. And walk, and stop. There’s no pattern, it is chaos, and my brain is like WTF!! And I can no longer focus on anything at all. It just completely derails me. Causes the overwhelm.

In this situation it does not help that I am using every single one of my senses (hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling, awareness of position in space, balance). And each sense is being assaulted with a different thing. Theres no predictability and no pattern. Freaks me out.

But when Im driving.. there are less senses being used (subtract awareness of position in space, balance, smelling, and feeling). There are rules of the road that people more often than not follow. Different situations have different levels of risk and I am aware of the potential for unpredictability. Any break in the pattern is instantly brought to my attention, and I am able to make adjustments because that break becomes my new subject of focus. So much more manageable…

Anything, such as cleaning my room, must be done in a pattern. First complete a self care task, then clean a specific portion, then clean a portion of another room, and then loop again and again. I can hardly get anything done unless its structured in a pattern.

I could not learn to read sheet music for the life of me growing up, but I learned how to play piano and built my own system and names for different things I later learned about. I was fascinated with it and how everything seemed to repeat… As a kid id obsessively organize everything in order of color. My hobbies were drawing mandalas, dragons with intricate patterns instead of scales. Weird psychedelic looking stuff just made of patterns. I loved making jewelry because it was just patterns of beads. I would worldbuild often because building a world that made sense felt like this endless task of finding plot holes to patch up. Structuring it was like a pattern or puzzle I had to solve. When I taught myself grammar (I was educationally neglected) and entered college, I loved to write essays because structuring one felt like putting together a pattern..

I know this is not a new discovery to anybody, but I have only been diagnosed for about 2 years or so and I am constantly learning more about myself.

What part of my brain causes this to make up nearly my entire life? Why are autistic people so different from one another? I have met other autistic people who do not share this strong attachment to patterns. What makes us different?