I am going to die alone and i know it

15M Ive felt so much fucking pain through my life, ive been bullied rideculed and manipulated for what feels like every minuet of my life and i cant remember the last time i was happy.

I read these posts about other peoples experience and I dont want to invalidate anyone and im sorry in advance but i just think at least you have something to live for. Maybe a girlfriend,or family. but me? For me there is no "at least" there is only the sheer anount of pain I feel through life everyday the fucking self hatred I feel for myself is immeasurable.

Ive been told "just go out, socialise" "workout go to the gym" "youre so young things will get better" and the lot but i KNOW my life will always be a upward battle and each time I get close to success like sisyphus I go right down to the bottom. Life has truly cheated me. Ive NEVER heard and never will hear the words "i love you" "youre looking good today" "good job" no none of it not one compliment.

I could never even fathom even in infinite multiverses i couldnt fathom finding someone or even someone saying "i love you" to me on accident. Every girl i meet immediately friendzones me but it's understandable, im honestly shocked theyd even want to be my friend.

Why do i feel cheated by life? The universe made sure Im as un attractive as possible. I have a EXTREMELY rare condition called charge syndrome which means i wont go through puberty, people say oh just do hrt but I CANT MY DOCTOR SAYS I CANT. Im 4ft 8 andim a 0/10 and if youre including negatives im a -100/10 truly i look like if the hunchback of notre dame and dwarf had a baby. My reproductive system doesnt exist, i have a micropenis of half a inch streched and while erect and streched barely 1 inch both my testicles are undecended, i have azoospermia among dozens of other health conditions.

I am litreally the embodiment of a "turnoff". I try really really hard in school, studying 2hours every day or more but no matter how fucking hard i try I fail EVERYTHING. Im in no less than 5 extracurriculars i go to the gym every single day but nothing.

Ive felt a lifetimes worth of pain. 4 school councillors, 2 psychologists and a psychiatrist all i got was a diagnosis of MDD and a "walk it off" they care more about how much my charge syndrome affects my parents. I care about them yes but my charge syndrome is so mild. I want to die every day. I will gladly drink bleach and fucking die on the spot if given the chance. And they say nothing more than "walk it off.. faces my parents How is his charge syndrome affecting you guys.

I am lost

I will die alone never in a single relationship, kissless and a virgin.

For these reasons i feel life has cheated me. I have no redeemable qualities.

I need help.