So many pelvic exams, so little time...

I've been trying to get pregnant for 18 cycles now. I also have vaginismus. I can tolerate some penetration (albeit with pain/discomfort), but it's hard. And when we're talking about insertion in a medical context, forget about it.

I did start PF therapy and I've moved up from the smallest dilator to size 4 in the intimate rose set in about 3 months. Size 4 is about the size of a transvaginal ultrasound probe, which is the first pelvic-related screening test for fertility. But I still need a pap smear, which I've never managed to tolerate, as well as an HSG (more invasive than a transvaginal ultrasound).

I guess I'm wondering how others with vaginismus are handling trying to conceive, as well as how you're handling getting your pelvic floor examined when everything just hurts and causes so much anxiety.

I'm trying to take things one day at a time but it's hard. I feel a bit discouraged sometimes by all the tests I need to do that are farrrr more invasive than inserting dilators.

Also, not sure if this is the case for others but every position for insertion feels unbearable to me EXCEPT when I'm lying in the fetal position. That's the only way I'm able to handle dilation. Recently at PF therapy, my therapist inserted the smallest dilator while I was on my back and it HURT. She got it about halfway through before deciding to take it out. I don't know what's going on but I just feel worried about what's causing the pain and why I'm not pregnant and what these tests will find :(