How to come to terms with spending this much money on one day?

I consider myself a fairly thrifty person; I almost never buy clothes or furniture brand new, shop sales for groceries, go without if I don’t truly need something, etc. I’m already planning on buying my wedding dress secondhand, won’t be doing any favors or unnecessary printed materials (ceremony programs or menus), thrifting pieces for centerpieces and donating our florals afterwards. But we just started on the nitty gritty of budgeting and it is causing me SO MUCH anxiety.

My parents are paying for the vast majority of it (they can definitely afford to and have been planning on this for years) and gave us a budget of $25,000. And both me and my partner and his parents will be supplementing this budget as well, maybe another couple thousand each. We live in a VHCOL and wedding destination city so prices are exorbitant enough that this budget is going to be stretched thin for a “traditional” wedding even then. I know that it’s possibly to have everything the way we want it within these limits but it’s resulting in a LOT of research and weighing pros and cons and just generally obsessing over how to stretch our dollars. This whole process, particularly looking at numbers that could help us with a house down payment or enable me to go back to school or any other number of life changing things, is making me want to cancel the whole thing and elope.

I know it’s important to both my partner and our parents to have this celebration with our friends and family; many of our loved ones live far away and we hardly ever get to see them. I also want them to be included in our celebration of love but not as strongly as anyone else involved in the planning. I would be completely satisfied getting married at a state park with 10 guests and a simple dinner after. But I know that my fiancé feels strongly in the other direction so I haven’t really suggested it more than once. We technically can afford the typical, all day “production” of getting ready suites, ceremony, reception, open bar, dancing, decor, hours worth of photography, etc, etc but I can’t get over the feeling that all this planning and sooooo much money just isn’t worth it. How do I reconcile this for myself?

Edit: this got way more responses than I expected! I’m not on Reddit very much so I don’t have time to respond to them all but just know that I’ve read each one. Thank you all for your insights, it’s been incredibly helpful in sorting out a healthier approach to this process! Best of luck to everyone :)